Looking back to the simpler life, when life was affordable on a single salary, before computers, internet and instant gratification. The need to know things instantaneously is becoming a curse as I let it distract me from the present place I am at no matter where. Tonight, I was in the middle of heating up leftover ribs and meatball sandwiches when the need to know what Anthony was going to owe on taxes, I completely ignored the preheated oven and sat on my butt trying to read up on which turbo tax would be best to have and cost us less. In the process I found an offer for free until March 31st and ran with it.
I sent in four resume applications today before 12pm and I haven’t heard from those who I applied to; yes I know I heard back from a past application but I just want to know one way or another if they would consider me. I start to feel like they need me if they can’t find the time to respond to emailed resumes. I not only check my email on my phone but while browsing between Facebook (no updates there) and my blog (third entry for today!) I hope on to my gmail and check on my computer -feeling psychotic.
Damn I get to the point where I write a poem and post it with hopes of just getting noticed; checking to see if I am being noticed now while secretly hoping to wake up to more views and likes possibly even comments. It is a disgusting feeling to feed off of “community” feedback -the new age vampire, feasting through social media- and I want to stop feeling it, I deleted my Facebook two years ago to stop being distracted negatively by it and here I am thinking I am strong enough to resist the continuous scrolling and trolling.
I miss hand writing letters (I send them out to the family occasionally, aside from thank you’s and greeting cards) and receiving mail in the mailbox. Opening a letter always felt like opening a christmas present early, giddiness floods my body; luckily for me the feeling has not faded but the occurrences has dwindled something awful. I hand write my dance lesson plans and keep them in binders and notebooks -scattered all over really- and every time I complete a dance or day or even combination, I feel proud of finishing something when I could type it up once and then edit it with ease for each class there after.
My biggest problem with computers is I tend to not back things up and fry my electronics and lose all my work, so my alternative is to dig through stacks every time I want to remember something. The more I write the more I remember, I feel I really need to work all sense memory skills to remember; speaking it, writing in, looking at it, executing it. the one thing I will never cave on is text abbreviations, I may not write out entire words 24/7 but I will not stoop the obnoxious misspelling of when:wen, your (you’re):ur, see:c. This short hand is so confusing when you add autocorrect, sausage fingers, drunken texts and common slip of letters.
Time is just hanging on not wanting midnight to roll around, I know when it does I will not realize the passing of time and find myself drooling my thoughts onto the keyboard. I find reasons to stay awake at night -productivity fluctuates- like tonight, I could do the laundry but it is much to cold outside so I will save that for tomorrow morning before I run the heater; I also have the option to start the dishwasher so it runs in off peak hours -conserving best I can- while we sleep, if I am so lucky as to have my brain relax and dream.
Tonight doesn’t feel like one of those nights.